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palacechristian[This takes place the evening of the day of Separation.]
Dinner that evening was awkward. Not overtly; Dr. Lee would never air disappointment in front of others, but Johnny could feel a... an edge of frost in his manner. He wasn't surprised, and had actually expected to be hauled in and yelled at the minute he'd walked in the door. But Dr. Lee had been busy and had given him a bare nod and a, "Johnny," when they'd passed in the hall a couple of hours before dinner. Johnny had paused but Dr. Lee had just stridden on. That didn't necessarily mean anything; he was always busy and if he had... issues to bring up, he wouldn't want to try to do it in a hallway where anyone could pass by in the thirty seconds he could squeeze between obligations.
Johnny actually appreciated that, the fact that Dr. Lee never chewed anyone out in front of others, unless it was something quick and immediate, like Linus being snarky at the dinner table, and even then he'd only say a brief word. A reminder. It was usually enough, at least now, although early on he'd had to take Linus away from the table a few times.
He wished this could just be over with, though.
The train ride had been long. Too slow and too fast and too grey. And it hadn't helped at all when he'd remembered, a couple of hours into the trip, that he never had called Dr. Lee. He should have. A few times.
Every day wouldn't have been completely out of line, actually. An e-mail or two would've been minimally adequate.
But what would he have said? There was no way he could've hidden from Dr. Lee that something had happened, and he couldn't explain about it over the com. It was all supposed to be a secret, and while Christian had said he could tell Dr. Lee, after making sure he understood it was privileged information, as much as anything a patient might tell him during a session, it would have to be in person and in private. Very private. So what could he have said? Having fun? Well, sort of. Kind of. Sometimes. Gone riding? No. Seen other friends? No. Go out, see any sights? No.
Ummm, yeah. Sure.
Johnny just sat there feeling more and more miserable until dinner was finally over, at which point he got up and followed Dr. Lee to his office without a word.
The doctor closed the door behind him and followed Johnny over to the sofa. They took their places at opposite ends and just looked at each other for a few moments. Finally Johnny looked down at his hands, clasping each other over and over.
"So." Dr. Lee's voice was determinedly neutral. "Did you have a good time?"
Johnny laughed. He couldn't help it.
*
"...and then after that I just didn't know what to say. I mean, I knew you'd know something was wrong but I couldn't talk about it over the com, and I didn't really have anything else to tell you about except for that, but I couldn't. I'm really sorry, I know I should've said something, at least sent an e-mail or something, but I just couldn't think of what to say...." Johnny just trailed off, staring at the carpet, his shoulders hunched over and looking thoroughly miserable.
Liam just looked at him. Outwardly he was calm, but inside he was a boiling swirl of emotions. Fear, anger, regret, sympathy.... If he'd known what was going to happen he'd never have let the lad go. On the other hand, from what it sounded like, if Johnny hadn't been there, Christian might not be alive now. A chill passed through him like a blade at the thought of losing both of them.
Johnny looked up at him through his eyelashes. "I'm sorry," he said again, his voice very small. "I know I should've... I don't know, thought of something to say."
"Just letting me know you were all right would've been enough, lad." Liam sighed. He really hadn't been worried about him per se. If the train had wrecked or a chunk of Palace had fallen into the street he'd have heard. On the other hand, the boy had been in danger, more than he'd ever imagined. Liam sighed and massaged his aching temples with one hand.
"If...." Johnny's voice ran out, then he coughed and straightened up, looking Liam directly in the eyes. "If you'd rather... I mean, if you don't want me to--"
"No. Stop that." Liam wasn't having any of that. "I'm not going to throw you out over something like this. Don't be ridiculous, lad. I imagine there'll be times in the years we'll be together I'll be a hell of a lot angrier with you than I am now, and you'll probably be angry with me at times too, and we'll get through it. You're my apprentice, Johnny. We're going to be together for a very long time, so just set your mind to it."
Johnny let out a huge breath, and looked so relieved Liam wanted to haul him over and cuddle the stuffing out of him. Damn. They'd made some progress, but had a long way to go. "So. Next time you're away, regular contact. I should have been more specific about how often -- we'll fix that next time. I understand you couldn't talk about the murder and all, but I need to know you're all right and that whatever you're doing is going well. And it seems it did, in the long run, yes?"
Johnny blushed and looked back down at the carpet. "Well, yeah, sort of. I mean--" He suddenly jerked upright and his eyes went unfocused, then a huge smile bloomed on his face. "Christian!"
//Hey lover.// Christian had already tried a light mental contact once tonight, but Johnny had seemed enmeshed in something so he'd pulled back, gone and fetched his dinner and changed clothes and was now sitting on his couch, trying again. //Not interrupting, am I?// he asked, sending out feelers when he detected a second presence and smiling to himself when he recognised the traces. //Hello, Liam,// he sent. //How are you, old man?//
No, well, yeah, but... hi! It's just... Liam was kind of mad at me, but I think we're okay now. Johnny unconsciously curled back up in his corner of the sofa, staring fondly at a point about a meter in front of his eyes.
Liam startled, then relaxed and smiled just a bit. I'm fine, lad, but how are you? I just got you patched up, you're not supposed to go getting yourself half-killed again quite this soon. I'm not at all pleased, I'll have you know.
Christian decided pretty fast that he'd better turn two conversations into one, else he'd spend too much time passing the words around. But before he did that, he had a private word with each of them again, sending quickly, efficiently and all in the blink of an eye. //Figured it was something like that,// he told Johnny. //He's all fuss and bluster, you know. Cut off his right arm if he thought you could use it. Hey?// Christian noted the air of relief surrounding Johnny. //Don't you trust me? I said... oh, never mind! Maybe I'll just tan your ass later!// he teased. To Liam he sent, //Yeah, it's been shitty. But we're coping, you know. Dad was hit hardest, I think. You might wanna think about giving him a call?// Then he joined the two different threads together and 'said', //Here. Let's all talk at once, eh? Save headaches.//
I'll do that, thought Liam. I still have the number somewhere, and gods know your father would never call me unless someone stood over him with a club. He sighed and rolled his eyes. Sometimes, he thought to himself, that boy's just a bit too self-reliant -- over-compensating, left over from having a crown clapped on his head at seventeen. With any luck he'll outgrow it eventually.
Johnny thought, Hey! and blushed again, then heard what Liam "said" and stared at him, remembering the dignified dark-haired man he's spoken with at breakfast. Hearing him referred to like a child with a frustrating quirk was weird, to say the least.
Christian hid his mental snicker away in the private part of his mind neither of the others could access. He had no intention of letting Liam know he'd overheard the thought but the very idea that someone still thought of Marton as a 'boy' and spoke so casually about him was highly amusing to say the least. Shame he couldn't share it with anyone! //So? Guys?// Christian sent to both in a smooth flow. //How was the trip back, lover? Glad to see him, Liam?//
Of course, Liam thought. We've all missed him over the last two weeks.
It was long. Johnny groaned and leaned his head against the back of the sofa. I don't think I'm very fond of trains. The first one was interesting, 'cause I'd never been on one before, but coming back it was just long and uncomfortable. And I missed you, he added, turning away from Liam to hide his reddening face and shy smile.
//Miss you, too. Already,// Christian sent privately. //We'll get together later, yeah?// Without waiting for an answer, he cut back to the joint communication. //He tell you he saved my ass?// he asked, the grin on his face translating to a warm flow of affection down the line.
Liam snorted. He implied it, although I had to draw my own conclusions.
I did not, Johnny protested. I tried, but I couldn't, he was too strong for me. If Harry hadn't come along we'd both be dead!
//And if you hadn't held him off, Harry would never have got there in time.// Christian's mental tone was definite and suffused with feeling. //Don't try and wiggle out of it,// he teased, giving his lover a mental tickle in full 'view' of Liam. //You're my hero. I told you that already.//
Well, yeah, but that was just... I mean.... He glanced up and saw Liam looking at him with one raised eyebrow. He took a deep breath, then let it out slowly. You're right, he thought. And you're welcome. I'll get strangled for you any time you need it. He found himself giggling, which he had to admit was a lot better than the cringing embarrassment he'd felt just a few moments earlier.
//Glad to hear it.// Christian smiled, enjoying the sound of Johnny's laugh. //So what's the plan now?// he asked them both. //Back to the grindstone?//
Yes, thought Liam, more of the same as we were doing before. And there are a couple of horses who've been getting fat and lazy while you two were having your fun.
Johnny grinned and nodded. I missed them, a lot. You've got to meet Hurricane and Typhoon, you'll love them. We never did get to go riding -- Hera's going to forget all about me.
Christian chuckled. //I'll tape a picture of you to the door of her stall. How's that? And mention you every single day. Assuming I get down there myself, that is. Not looking too likely at the moment. But I'll try.//
Poor Hera, Johnny thought. She'll probably just eat the picture, though. He snickered, then asked, So you're still busy? How'd the hospital go?
//More things coming in than I anticipated,// Christian grumbled good-naturedly. //Not this fast and poor Marcus is being swamped by Council. But the hospital one was fun, as it turned out.// He fed them the highlights, including the bemused pack of dignitaries trailing along behind him and the high spot of the visit when he'd had thirty seconds of peace and quality with the kid, Lucas. When he was done he said, // I wish I could say they were all gonna turn out that way, but they won't. Dunno how dad put up with it for as long as he did before he put his foot down.//
Sheer stubbornness? offered Liam with a wry smile. And you can take that however you like, and apply it both to his getting through that hellacious schedule they fed him, and also to his finally refusing to put up with any more nonsense.
Johnny giggled again, then asked, Can't you just do stuff you think you'll like? Or mostly?
//God, I wish!// Christian grinned, shaking his head. //But there are worthy causes and presentations and... oh, lawd, you name it, that I can't get out of. Well, I could, but it'd be churlish of me to refuse to do them on the basis that they're boring! Like most jobs, I suppose.// He shrugged. //Gotta take the drudgery along with the good.//
Yeah, I guess. I have some classes coming up next term that look like that same kind of thing. Useful, but.... He shuddered theatrically.
//Well, I'll let you get back to work,// Christian said with studied reluctance. He probably wasn't fooling Liam one little bit, but it might spare Johnny's blushes. To him he sent, //Later, lover,// with quite a bit of carnal warmth in the words. //Night, Liam.//
When everyone had taken their leave -- temporarily in Johnny's case and moreso in Liam's -- and Christian had withdrawn, they looked at each other for a moment. Liam smiled warmly, but didn't comment, for which Johnny was grateful. Instead he changed the subject, asking Johnny if he'd at least kept up with his schoolwork over the last two weeks.
Johnny assured him that he had, and launched into a description of what he'd been doing and a particularly interesting case study he'd been assigned. The atmosphere having lightened quite a lot from the oppressive tension of earlier, they spent the rest of the evening in catching up and easy conversation.
Dinner that evening was awkward. Not overtly; Dr. Lee would never air disappointment in front of others, but Johnny could feel a... an edge of frost in his manner. He wasn't surprised, and had actually expected to be hauled in and yelled at the minute he'd walked in the door. But Dr. Lee had been busy and had given him a bare nod and a, "Johnny," when they'd passed in the hall a couple of hours before dinner. Johnny had paused but Dr. Lee had just stridden on. That didn't necessarily mean anything; he was always busy and if he had... issues to bring up, he wouldn't want to try to do it in a hallway where anyone could pass by in the thirty seconds he could squeeze between obligations.
Johnny actually appreciated that, the fact that Dr. Lee never chewed anyone out in front of others, unless it was something quick and immediate, like Linus being snarky at the dinner table, and even then he'd only say a brief word. A reminder. It was usually enough, at least now, although early on he'd had to take Linus away from the table a few times.
He wished this could just be over with, though.
The train ride had been long. Too slow and too fast and too grey. And it hadn't helped at all when he'd remembered, a couple of hours into the trip, that he never had called Dr. Lee. He should have. A few times.
Every day wouldn't have been completely out of line, actually. An e-mail or two would've been minimally adequate.
But what would he have said? There was no way he could've hidden from Dr. Lee that something had happened, and he couldn't explain about it over the com. It was all supposed to be a secret, and while Christian had said he could tell Dr. Lee, after making sure he understood it was privileged information, as much as anything a patient might tell him during a session, it would have to be in person and in private. Very private. So what could he have said? Having fun? Well, sort of. Kind of. Sometimes. Gone riding? No. Seen other friends? No. Go out, see any sights? No.
Ummm, yeah. Sure.
Johnny just sat there feeling more and more miserable until dinner was finally over, at which point he got up and followed Dr. Lee to his office without a word.
The doctor closed the door behind him and followed Johnny over to the sofa. They took their places at opposite ends and just looked at each other for a few moments. Finally Johnny looked down at his hands, clasping each other over and over.
"So." Dr. Lee's voice was determinedly neutral. "Did you have a good time?"
Johnny laughed. He couldn't help it.
"...and then after that I just didn't know what to say. I mean, I knew you'd know something was wrong but I couldn't talk about it over the com, and I didn't really have anything else to tell you about except for that, but I couldn't. I'm really sorry, I know I should've said something, at least sent an e-mail or something, but I just couldn't think of what to say...." Johnny just trailed off, staring at the carpet, his shoulders hunched over and looking thoroughly miserable.
Liam just looked at him. Outwardly he was calm, but inside he was a boiling swirl of emotions. Fear, anger, regret, sympathy.... If he'd known what was going to happen he'd never have let the lad go. On the other hand, from what it sounded like, if Johnny hadn't been there, Christian might not be alive now. A chill passed through him like a blade at the thought of losing both of them.
Johnny looked up at him through his eyelashes. "I'm sorry," he said again, his voice very small. "I know I should've... I don't know, thought of something to say."
"Just letting me know you were all right would've been enough, lad." Liam sighed. He really hadn't been worried about him per se. If the train had wrecked or a chunk of Palace had fallen into the street he'd have heard. On the other hand, the boy had been in danger, more than he'd ever imagined. Liam sighed and massaged his aching temples with one hand.
"If...." Johnny's voice ran out, then he coughed and straightened up, looking Liam directly in the eyes. "If you'd rather... I mean, if you don't want me to--"
"No. Stop that." Liam wasn't having any of that. "I'm not going to throw you out over something like this. Don't be ridiculous, lad. I imagine there'll be times in the years we'll be together I'll be a hell of a lot angrier with you than I am now, and you'll probably be angry with me at times too, and we'll get through it. You're my apprentice, Johnny. We're going to be together for a very long time, so just set your mind to it."
Johnny let out a huge breath, and looked so relieved Liam wanted to haul him over and cuddle the stuffing out of him. Damn. They'd made some progress, but had a long way to go. "So. Next time you're away, regular contact. I should have been more specific about how often -- we'll fix that next time. I understand you couldn't talk about the murder and all, but I need to know you're all right and that whatever you're doing is going well. And it seems it did, in the long run, yes?"
Johnny blushed and looked back down at the carpet. "Well, yeah, sort of. I mean--" He suddenly jerked upright and his eyes went unfocused, then a huge smile bloomed on his face. "Christian!"
//Hey lover.// Christian had already tried a light mental contact once tonight, but Johnny had seemed enmeshed in something so he'd pulled back, gone and fetched his dinner and changed clothes and was now sitting on his couch, trying again. //Not interrupting, am I?// he asked, sending out feelers when he detected a second presence and smiling to himself when he recognised the traces. //Hello, Liam,// he sent. //How are you, old man?//
No, well, yeah, but... hi! It's just... Liam was kind of mad at me, but I think we're okay now. Johnny unconsciously curled back up in his corner of the sofa, staring fondly at a point about a meter in front of his eyes.
Liam startled, then relaxed and smiled just a bit. I'm fine, lad, but how are you? I just got you patched up, you're not supposed to go getting yourself half-killed again quite this soon. I'm not at all pleased, I'll have you know.
Christian decided pretty fast that he'd better turn two conversations into one, else he'd spend too much time passing the words around. But before he did that, he had a private word with each of them again, sending quickly, efficiently and all in the blink of an eye. //Figured it was something like that,// he told Johnny. //He's all fuss and bluster, you know. Cut off his right arm if he thought you could use it. Hey?// Christian noted the air of relief surrounding Johnny. //Don't you trust me? I said... oh, never mind! Maybe I'll just tan your ass later!// he teased. To Liam he sent, //Yeah, it's been shitty. But we're coping, you know. Dad was hit hardest, I think. You might wanna think about giving him a call?// Then he joined the two different threads together and 'said', //Here. Let's all talk at once, eh? Save headaches.//
I'll do that, thought Liam. I still have the number somewhere, and gods know your father would never call me unless someone stood over him with a club. He sighed and rolled his eyes. Sometimes, he thought to himself, that boy's just a bit too self-reliant -- over-compensating, left over from having a crown clapped on his head at seventeen. With any luck he'll outgrow it eventually.
Johnny thought, Hey! and blushed again, then heard what Liam "said" and stared at him, remembering the dignified dark-haired man he's spoken with at breakfast. Hearing him referred to like a child with a frustrating quirk was weird, to say the least.
Christian hid his mental snicker away in the private part of his mind neither of the others could access. He had no intention of letting Liam know he'd overheard the thought but the very idea that someone still thought of Marton as a 'boy' and spoke so casually about him was highly amusing to say the least. Shame he couldn't share it with anyone! //So? Guys?// Christian sent to both in a smooth flow. //How was the trip back, lover? Glad to see him, Liam?//
Of course, Liam thought. We've all missed him over the last two weeks.
It was long. Johnny groaned and leaned his head against the back of the sofa. I don't think I'm very fond of trains. The first one was interesting, 'cause I'd never been on one before, but coming back it was just long and uncomfortable. And I missed you, he added, turning away from Liam to hide his reddening face and shy smile.
//Miss you, too. Already,// Christian sent privately. //We'll get together later, yeah?// Without waiting for an answer, he cut back to the joint communication. //He tell you he saved my ass?// he asked, the grin on his face translating to a warm flow of affection down the line.
Liam snorted. He implied it, although I had to draw my own conclusions.
I did not, Johnny protested. I tried, but I couldn't, he was too strong for me. If Harry hadn't come along we'd both be dead!
//And if you hadn't held him off, Harry would never have got there in time.// Christian's mental tone was definite and suffused with feeling. //Don't try and wiggle out of it,// he teased, giving his lover a mental tickle in full 'view' of Liam. //You're my hero. I told you that already.//
Well, yeah, but that was just... I mean.... He glanced up and saw Liam looking at him with one raised eyebrow. He took a deep breath, then let it out slowly. You're right, he thought. And you're welcome. I'll get strangled for you any time you need it. He found himself giggling, which he had to admit was a lot better than the cringing embarrassment he'd felt just a few moments earlier.
//Glad to hear it.// Christian smiled, enjoying the sound of Johnny's laugh. //So what's the plan now?// he asked them both. //Back to the grindstone?//
Yes, thought Liam, more of the same as we were doing before. And there are a couple of horses who've been getting fat and lazy while you two were having your fun.
Johnny grinned and nodded. I missed them, a lot. You've got to meet Hurricane and Typhoon, you'll love them. We never did get to go riding -- Hera's going to forget all about me.
Christian chuckled. //I'll tape a picture of you to the door of her stall. How's that? And mention you every single day. Assuming I get down there myself, that is. Not looking too likely at the moment. But I'll try.//
Poor Hera, Johnny thought. She'll probably just eat the picture, though. He snickered, then asked, So you're still busy? How'd the hospital go?
//More things coming in than I anticipated,// Christian grumbled good-naturedly. //Not this fast and poor Marcus is being swamped by Council. But the hospital one was fun, as it turned out.// He fed them the highlights, including the bemused pack of dignitaries trailing along behind him and the high spot of the visit when he'd had thirty seconds of peace and quality with the kid, Lucas. When he was done he said, // I wish I could say they were all gonna turn out that way, but they won't. Dunno how dad put up with it for as long as he did before he put his foot down.//
Sheer stubbornness? offered Liam with a wry smile. And you can take that however you like, and apply it both to his getting through that hellacious schedule they fed him, and also to his finally refusing to put up with any more nonsense.
Johnny giggled again, then asked, Can't you just do stuff you think you'll like? Or mostly?
//God, I wish!// Christian grinned, shaking his head. //But there are worthy causes and presentations and... oh, lawd, you name it, that I can't get out of. Well, I could, but it'd be churlish of me to refuse to do them on the basis that they're boring! Like most jobs, I suppose.// He shrugged. //Gotta take the drudgery along with the good.//
Yeah, I guess. I have some classes coming up next term that look like that same kind of thing. Useful, but.... He shuddered theatrically.
//Well, I'll let you get back to work,// Christian said with studied reluctance. He probably wasn't fooling Liam one little bit, but it might spare Johnny's blushes. To him he sent, //Later, lover,// with quite a bit of carnal warmth in the words. //Night, Liam.//
When everyone had taken their leave -- temporarily in Johnny's case and moreso in Liam's -- and Christian had withdrawn, they looked at each other for a moment. Liam smiled warmly, but didn't comment, for which Johnny was grateful. Instead he changed the subject, asking Johnny if he'd at least kept up with his schoolwork over the last two weeks.
Johnny assured him that he had, and launched into a description of what he'd been doing and a particularly interesting case study he'd been assigned. The atmosphere having lightened quite a lot from the oppressive tension of earlier, they spent the rest of the evening in catching up and easy conversation.
